Once upon a time there was a man called Saul
Who disregarded Christmas till he felt
He'd have to change his life before next Christmas
So the man changed his pronouns and his Christian name to Hazel
And she had some wacky times in 605 East
But tensions with her housemates over Christmas
Had reached an all-time high
So she brokered compromise
Instead of taping trees to the brickwork
They'd celebrate by making an album
Of mutilated Christmastime anthems
Her housemates gave this answer:
They said "Should you be so jolly like St Nicholas
Making the list so meticulous
Swooning as they churn out presents
In your north pole shop
Slipping naked down the chimneys on Christmas
With the NORAD sleigh ride surveillance
Bartering with gifts for milk and sweets
Scenes like this give state secularism a bad name
Once there was a man who loved himself too much
To write songs about Maine so he scrapped his state project in full
Instead he went and donned gay apparel
And published one hundred yule carols
O Sufjan though I'm anti LGBT speculation
I'm your hypocrite reader in the same situation
I'm your double, oh me I'm your sister in pain
But Tiny Mixtapes if you'll listen there's a difference
Between Stevens and my boy band
We're pseudonymous and we're not famous
It's comic but listen here
We do an album every year!
Should I be so jolly like St Nicholas
Going out with a ho, just hear me
Cackling with joy as each group chat receives their sonic toy
Surrender unto bandcamp or to God, it makes no odds
There's just one right that Hazel wants to wrong:
She says "Tell me, Mister Negen, did you enjoy the song?"
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